Recently I was talking to one of my very best friends David Jones, about relationships. We’ve been friends for as long as I can remember and for most of our lives. He explained to me a concept which makes a lot of sense when it comes to virtually all of our relationships, whether they be personal or professional.
He told me relationships, both good and bad, are based primarily on three elements:
1) Trust
2) Respect
3) Honesty
Subsequently, I did a bit of research on the subject and have found several similar models with slightly different terminology for different applications. Nevertheless, I like the the way he explained it with these terms.
Trust in a relationship is not something which comes easily. On the contrary, it is something that is built over time, and is largely based on the respect and the honesty we give to others. If we respect others and are honest with them, trust in the relationship is fostered. If we do not respect others and are not honest with them, trust is rarely built.
We can choose to respect others and be honest with them but if we trust them blindly, we will often be disappointed. Think for a moment about most scam artists. They tend to try and build trust by weaving a story which leads us to believe what they are saying is true. If we give our trust too quickly, they are likely to walk away with our hard earned money or something else we own.
If after getting to know someone we feel they respect us and are honest with us, we will tend to trust them. Even so, we can still get burned as they may have simply been tricking us all along to get what they want. Nevertheless, there comes a time in a relationship where we need to begin to trust people. This can come rather quickly when we get a good “feeling” about someone, or it can take years before we truly trust them.
Respecting others in terms of their thoughts and ideas is often a matter of common courtesy. We are all different and come from a different set of circumstances. No one is “better” or “worse” than another, we are simply different from one another. By definition if we had grown up under the same conditions and with the same opportunities of another, or lack thereof, we would most likely act just as they do.
Honesty is most often related to communication. When we tell others the reasons why we do the things we do and feel the way we do, we slowly begin to build a relationship which can be based on a solid foundation of trust rather than a flimsy set of lies.
If we want to build better relationships, we can start by respecting others and being honest with them as to our desires and intentions, rather than not respecting them and lying just to get what we want. This does not guarantee the person will trust us or that we establish a strong bond, but it’s a great start.
∞ Rob McBride ∞
26 June 2021
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