Recently I was talking to one of my very best friends David Jones, about relationships. We’ve been friends for as long as I can remember and for most of our lives. He explained to me a concept which makes a lot of sense when it comes to virtually all of our relationships, whether they be personal or professional.
He told me relationships, both good and bad, are based primarily on three elements:
1) Trust 2) Respect 3) Honesty
Subsequently, I did a bit of research on the subject and have found several similar models with slightly different terminology for different applications. Nevertheless, I like the the way he explained it with these terms.
Trust in a relationship is not something which comes easily. On the contrary, it is something that is built over time, and is largely based on the respect and the honesty we give to others. If we respect others and are honest with them, trust in the relationship is fostered. If we do not respect others and are not honest with them, trust is rarely built.
We can choose to respect others and be honest with them but if we trust them blindly, we will often be disappointed. Think for a moment about most scam artists. They tend to try and build trust by weaving a story which leads us to believe what they are saying is true. If we give our trust too quickly, they are likely to walk away with our hard earned money or something else we own.
If after getting to know someone we feel they respect us and are honest with us, we will tend to trust them. Even so, we can still get burned as they may have simply been tricking us all along to get what they want. Nevertheless, there comes a time in a relationship where we need to begin to trust people. This can come rather quickly when we get a good “feeling” about someone, or it can take years before we truly trust them.
Respecting others in terms of their thoughts and ideas is often a matter of common courtesy. We are all different and come from a different set of circumstances. No one is “better” or “worse” than another, we are simply different from one another. By definition if we had grown up under the same conditions and with the same opportunities of another, or lack thereof, we would most likely act just as they do.
Honesty is most often related to communication. When we tell others the reasons why we do the things we do and feel the way we do, we slowly begin to build a relationship which can be based on a solid foundation of trust rather than a flimsy set of lies.
If we want to build better relationships, we can start by respecting others and being honest with them as to our desires and intentions, rather than not respecting them and lying just to get what we want. This does not guarantee the person will trust us or that we establish a strong bond, but it’s a great start.
Have you ever noticed we carry our own weather within us?
Sometimes we feel bright and sunny, others dim and gloomy. The weather outside can, and often does, influence the way we feel inside but this isn’t necessarily always the case, nor does it have to be.
There are days when we wake up rip, roaring, and ready to rock; and others when all we really want to do is to pull the covers over our head and stay in bed. Many circumstances influence our own weather within including our health, our emotions, the weather outside, and the weather within those around us. What’s more, we can go from feeling truly fabulous to absolutely terrible in an instant.
What is behind the weather we hold within?
Why is it so variable and what can we do to make it better?
Similar to the weather outside, our own is in a state of constant flux. The barometric pressure indicates a change in the weather, for better or for worse. So too do our own thoughts and emotions generally indicate where our own weather is headed.
We all have different triggers affecting how we feel. Some individuals can harm others, deceiving, robbing, and perhaps even killing others, yet not feel a drop of remorse; while others will ruminate for days causing a maelstrom in our mind only for a few unkind words exchanged with another. Some are able to change their weather inside in a heartbeat, while others toss and turn at its will.
None of us are the same. There is no pat answer which works for all. Nevertheless, here are a few ideas to optimize your own weather within:
Fill your mind with positive thoughts and ideas.
Understand that just because it is raining outside, you need not cry on the inside.
Exercise and eat well to give your body the energy it needs to optimize your own weather within.
Realize that as terrible as your weather inside may be, there is always renewed hope in the dawn of a new day.
Surround yourself with people who are generally sunny inside, offering them some of your sunshine whenever they feel stormy.
Determine to be a thermostat, being the master of your own climate; rather than a thermometer, merely reflecting the temperature around you.
As the weather outside changes, so too does the environment. After the rain comes the sunshine, after the winter comes the summer, after the light comes the dark. Perhaps we too can learn to understand that the harshest lessons of life often bring its greatest lessons.
While this certainly is much easier said than done, we can positively influence our weather inside. The wind, the humidity, and the temperature affect the weather outside. When we realize that our health, our emotions, and above all our thoughts, create our own weather within, we can better manage our own disposition so it is bright and sunny, rather than dim and gloomy.
If so, I’ve got a solution! It can be as simple as 1, 2, 3…
If you are like most people, you don’t have one problem, you have many. Often our only wish is to have no problems at all, yet they are inherent in life. Have you ever stopped to think about this?
The only people who don’t have problems are those who are dead. If we really think about it though, they too had problems, it’s just that when they died, likely they left them to someone else. Will there ever be a time in your life when the telephone and electricity bills won’t have to be paid, or that you won’t have to replenish the food you just ate?
Many of us are addicted to “To Do Lists”. We write down all the things we have to get done and somehow believe accomplishing each item on the list will make our problems go away, and those on the list do! But just as quickly as we take care of one set of problems, have you ever noticed how others seems to pop up?
Being this the case, having problems means one thing. It means we are alive, and this is certainly a great place to start! For now anyway, it certainly seems to beat the alternative. So be glad you have problems, for the day you don’t will likely be the day when you pass yours on to someone else.
In terms of the problems themselves, there is always a solution. We may not like it or may not be willing to implement it, but there is a way to solve any problem we might have. It isn’t necessarily “easy” to solve, but in most cases doing so is a fairly “simple” process. Follow these straightforward steps to find solutions to your problems:
1) Get Busy – Don’t just sit there looking glum thinking about what’s wrong, get busy to find out how to make it right. If a call needs to be made, make it; if a change needs to be implemented, implement it; if you don’t know what needs to be done, find someone who does. Don’t wait for the problem to go away because it rarely does, and the situation is likely to get worse before it gets better.
2) Be Useful – Most things we do in life somehow involve other people. Not many of us can get along for too long without somehow relying on others. For example: if your problem is not having enough money, think of how you can be useful to others in order to generate the cash flow you need. Everybody has a variety of needs. If your need is money, you simply need to find something you can do to fulfill the needs of others and you will be well on your way to solving your money problem.
3) Be Grateful – This seems to be a given, but in so many cases it is not. We are quick to complain about the weather, our aches and pains, or whatever it is we don’t like about our clients and neighbors. It is fairly easy to find things that are “wrong” with our current situation, but when you start going down this path, do an about face, change your direction and begin enumerating all of the things that are “right” with your life. Are you breathing? That’s one. How about your heart, is it beating? There’s another… I think you get the idea. When we begin to look around our immediate surroundings there is generally an incredibly long list of things for which to be grateful.
Take each day one at a time. Rome was not built in a day, and while many problems can be dealt with in a relatively short period of time, others take longer. Don’t lose heart when problems mount up. Take each in turn, doing what can be done today by being busy, useful, and grateful. Doing so can help you solve your problems as simple as 1, 2, 3!
Have you ever thought about how much money people spend to try and look younger? People subject themselves to surgeries, harsh diets, and killer workouts often in an attempt to shave a few years off of their appearance. But I wonder, should we really be concerned with how we look or how we feel?
No doubt that a scalpel can make us look better in a heart beat, but how long will the results last? The same can be said for radical diets and exercise, often quickly forgotten after the desired results are attained, or tossed to one side if they don’t work immediately. For the long run, doesn’t make sense for us to change our lifestyle and our habits, so not only will we look better, but more importantly, feel better as well?
Since my ride on an airplane in the early 1990’s with a very fit man who was almost 80, I have done exercise pretty much every day. He explained to me the virtues a workout he had done since being in the Royal Canadian Airforce, called the Five Basic Exercises (5BX RCAF). The only exception to my exercises was a time period between 2018 and 2020, when after slipping and falling, I hurt my back. Because of my pain, I justified not doing my daily exercise, first for a few days, but which then led to weeks and months. While I made a pretty good case to myself as to why I wasn’t exercising, the overall result affected not only my energy level, but also my attitude.
I had what Zig Ziglar refers to as “Stinking Thinking”. I was lethargic and found myself moving around like a little old man. About a year ago, I decided to see if I could find some exercises that would help me to strengthen my back, and fortunately, I found several. After several weeks of doing them and working on my core, my back got stronger and was no longer hurting as it once did. Several months later, I realized I had not gotten back into my daily routine of exercise, so I made an effort to do so. Since that time, my energy levels have increased and my attitude has gotten better.
Better yet, my new exercise routine now incorporates several things I like. I call it Juventus. Besides being the name of one of the most famous soccer teams in the world, also means young or youthful (coming from the ancient Roman goddess named Juventa). It combines the following:
Seeds of Success (a series of quotes I have memorized from different sources)
You can click on any of the links above to take you to examples of each. While it seems to me that just about any type of exercise will do, this combination works for me. Our lifestyle, with all of its conveniences, has led many of us to be lazy and subject to obesity. In terms of diet, there are many different opinions and each can sound convincing. Some tout high protein or high carbohydrate based diets. Others claim being a vegan or a vegetarian is the right way to go. My overall favorite, which I have put into practice also since the early 1990’s, is the Anti-Diet.
Regardless of the exercise and diet plan we choose to follow, most important is to follow a routine that works for our body type and schedule. Exercise does not have to be done in a gym, and a proper diet isn’t always to lose weight. Walking briskly is said to be one of the best overall workouts and a diet consisting of all food groups can provide tremendous results (when combined properly and eaten in moderation).
If you find yourself either over or underweight, and/or with problems maintaining your energy, the good news is that you can start a program today which will can have you feeling better as soon as tomorrow. Discover what kind of exercise you enjoy and a diet that works for you. When you do, you can begin not only to look younger, but more importantly, feel better.
Have you ever considered how many things our body does without us even thinking about it?
Our heart beats, our lungs breathe, and the rest of our body does its thing as we go about our daily deed. I don’t know about you, but I find it fascinating how all this gets done. We are able to walk upright without falling down, eat and the digest our food most of the time, barely aware of all our bodies do just to accomplish the simplest of tasks. Yet all this is all somehow done, usually without our conscious knowledge.
I propose: we must have little guys inside who take care of all these things. Do you remember Biology? I suppose these little guys are really called cells, but to me they certainly seem like a whole bunch of workers, all moving in a coordinated effort to do one primary thing: to keep us alive and well.
We know that we have many different kinds of cells. Sometimes they work in harmony, and others in opposition. Some of our cells keep our vital functions going, others are in our brain, controlling virtually all our thoughts and actions. Still others are in our blood stream and in our skin. Each of these cells is constantly in a process of evolution and change, very similar to our own life process. As new cells are born from the existing ones, the older ones die or are no longer viable. Through all this magnificent concert of action between and among our cells, we are largely unaware of all that is going on, yet its song continues within us 24/7, when we are awake, when we are asleep; from the day we are born, to the day we die.
I imagine our cells to be workers, each belonging to a different part of our body. Some of our little guys belong to vital organs, assuring each keeps doing what it’s supposed to do. Many of our little guys are in the brain, likely with separate committees for our emotions, actions, and other basic functions. Some work on the surface of our bodies, forming protective barriers against intruders and fighting off enemies through movement, as well as promoting blood clotting to keep us from bleeding to death.
As we consider all our little guys inside do for us: shouldn’t we do our best to keep them healthy, enabling them to better do their job? Isn’t it the food we eat, the things we drink, the air we breathe, and the thoughts we keep what gives our little guys the “nutrients” they need to operate at peak performance?
Seems to me we often complicate health matters far too much. If we have learned anything in our existence here on the planet, it’s that there seems to be a grand scheme of things providing each living being with what it needs to survive. In our case, food, water, air, and thoughts are what our little guys need to accomplish their mission. While it’s not always possible: what about if we put in our bodies only things that grow out of the ground, fly, swim, or walk around? Must we put so many chemicals in our body?
When we treat our bodies as if they were temples, exercising them and only allowing good things inside, our ability to fight off physical and mental disease, as well as negativity becomes much stronger than if we fill them with garbage and so much other rubbish.
Stop, look, and listen to the world around you, there is so much to see, feel, and experience! Have you noticed how these days our phones seem so insistent on giving us notifications?
They come to us in a grand myriad of ways, each designed to take us to a different place, and often in a different direction. Telecommunications and social media have become an information warehouse where we are the merchandise. We are itemized, categorized, and packaged into convenient little boxes, ready for use.
These days we can be talking about something one minute and the next receive an advertisement to buy it. Big Brother is indeed watching! George Orwell wasn’t too far off with some of his predictions, except that rather than being monitored to be rewarded or chastised; our habits and movements are being tracked to sell us things. Everywhere we turn there is something else to buy, a new promotion, a new idea or a different approach.
Maybe this isn’t a bad thing, after all, if we are sold what we want, perhaps it saves us time. Yet sometimes it seems the electronic nature of our world can become a bit too much. We are constantly inundated with offers to buy things or to make a new investment. Between radio, television, telephones, and billboards, we are bombarded with offers, each vying for our attention, and ultimately wanting our money or participation in something or another.
While it’s tough to turn off the visual barrage of information as we go about our way, we can control our “electronic exposure”. We can decide to be in control of what we see and when we see it.
We can do so by doing the following:
First, and most importantly, simply turn OFF all notifications on your phone, except for those that are vitally important, like phone calls. As soon as you do, I guarantee you will feel a sudden sense of relief from all the bells and whistles normally being emitted from the device. Instead of constantly looking at your phone whenever it pings or pangs, you can do something more important with your life than following advertisers links from one place to another.
My second suggestion is to establish a time when you are ON to the world, and a time when you are OFF. I like 8 am to 8 pm to be on, since most things can generally be taken care of during those hours. From 8 pm to 8 am, I sometimes have the phone on, but I generally stay away from social media and messaging, using it only for listening to music, taking pictures, or watching movies.
How long does it take for you to grab your phone and check your messages in the morning?
If you are like many people, it’s the first thing you do. Instead of starting your day with your phone, what about starting your day by reading a good book, talking with your mate, or simply having a cup of coffee while watching the sunrise?
This may sound okay except that you may want to say good morning to a special someone somewhere. If that’s the case, by all means do it! Maybe you can even have a virtual “cup of coffee” with them. Turn on your phone, call them up, and video if possible. Not a problem, but after you do it is there something else you can do rather than simply scrolling through the endless stories, posts, tweets, and e-mails which have become such a part of our lives?
Unless you have some vital information you are waiting for first thing in the morning, how about giving your mind a break for awhile before turning on your phone, using it when you are ready to start your “electronic day”, rather than grabbing it automatically as you wake up?
Our phones are vital to many of the things we need to get done in today’s world and we should use them to be more productive. But, instead of letting them dictate how much time we spend on them and what we do with them, we can be their masters rather than their slaves. Instead of automatically picking your phone up every little while to see what has happened in the world whenever it dings, instead you can decide when to pick it up and how long to spend on it.
There is so much to see, feel, and experience in the world which is not contained within the small screen of our mobile devices. Take the time to stop, look, and listen to the world around you by turning OFF notifications and turning ON life.
The harsh reality is that we are each very much like a puppet on a string. Like the toy figurine which moves as someone above manipulates the strings, our actions are often controlled by someone or something else.
Virtually all of us are subject to the great puppeteer called nature which indicates when we should eat and when we should sleep, when we should seek a mate and when we should be inventive and create. So too are the majority of us subject to the strings governments pull, taking us to and fro, paying taxes, fees, and other dues. Many are subject to the strings of an employer or other overseer who manipulates their every move, doing their best to squeeze each bit of benefit they possibly can from their employ.
Many of us live in “free” countries, where we can do as we please, as long as it doesn’t interfere with a gamut of strings which inevitably pull us here and there.
Is it possible to break free from all of these strings which seem to direct our every move?
Likely many will continue to dictate our behavior regardless of what we do, yet we can take control of many of which others seem to tug as they see fit..
What to do?
Are you confused?
In order to better direct our own actions and free ourselves from control at the whim of others, we can take charge of our own lives, living with more direction and intention, rather than in pacific abnegation.
Two groups form in all societies since the beginning of time and will likely be around long after own time here on Earth has expired. We can call the first group the “Proletariat” and the second the “Bourgeoisie”. To explain each of these terms in just a few words: the vast majority consisting of the former follow a chosen few of the latter. Out of any group, we find a select few generally rise as leaders.
We can choose one of two routes. We can join the vast majority of people in the world, who will by default take the easiest path by doing nothing, and thus forming part of the vast masses which make up the Proletariat. Or, we can join those few brave souls who take the more difficult road, eventually breaking free from many of the ties binding them to the wishes of others.
Few, if any, can escape the effects of nature tugging on their strings. Those who try to go against Mother Nature usually lose. For example, fighting against the negative impact of age can be battled in many ways, and these are precisely the source of profits for many of the Bourgeoisie in this day and age. While billions of dollars are spent yearly on trying to stay young, perhaps eating well and exercising remain as the most effective deterrents to aging; yet even with an optimal diet and good health, sooner or later the incessant clock of Father Time will too lead us to our final tick.
Those who escape the reaches of government ties are generally outlaws or indigenous people who live on the outskirts of society. If we want to live life within the parameters of civilization, we must adhere to a certain degree of twisting and turning the wheels of government turn from time to time.
As for the rest of the strings which pull at our heart, soul, and being, in many cases rather than being subject to the tugs of others, we can instead become the puppeteer, deciding for ourselves which strings to pull. While it isn’t easy, and the road is certainly more difficult than doing nothing at all, the benefits to be had can greatly outweigh the cost of what can be lost.
There are many definitions for success. One I like is this:
“Success is being to be able to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, and with those you want to do it with.”
I don’t believe it is realistic or possible to do anything we want all of the time. Yet with some work, we can move toward that ideal state. Likely, early on in life there will be little we can do to escape the constant tugs on our puppet’s strings. Initially, we are subject to the direction of our parents, who move us to and fro, usually with love, but not always so. They carefully give us the tools they believe we will need to live in a better way. They teach us that we should be nice to others, to be industrious, and by all means to eat our vegetables too.
While in school, our teachers and peers, help to form the adult “puppet” we will one day become, with a little luck and a lot of work. We are taught all about history, geography, science, math, and so much more. We are taught about what is supposed to be “good” and what is supposed to be “bad”, finding some things make us happy in life and others sad.
As we start into adulthood, we almost always have to work for someone else, whether it be a company or an individual. Some become employees, others apprentices; but in some way or another, we need to figure out what to do in life and how to do it. Very few are able to live in the lap of luxury their entire lives doing absolutely nothing from the start, though certainly some do.
Here is where things become interesting. Those who continue to react to the strings pulled by others (the path of least resistance), tend to continue to do so for the rest of their lives, never breaking free of the chains that bind them. Yet those who choose to stand out, speak up, and do something to better their lot have a much better shot at rising to the top and becoming part of the elite Bourgeoisie.
Like the cream that floats to the top of milk, a few select individuals will do the same in society. In most societies around the world we can choose to be part of the few who are their own puppeteers rather than being one of those whose strings are constantly yanked and pulled forever and a day.
How can we be masters of our destinies rather than followers to our ultimate fate?
It’s simple, though far from easy. One of the first things we must do is to be willing to take more risk than others. I’m not talking about doing crazy, stupid things: but rather carefully considering possibilities and taking a risk when the reward can greatly outweigh he cost. By using our minds instead of our hands to create the kind of life we really want to live, though doing this by necessity may also use our hands, depending on what we choose to do.
Do you really want the strings of your puppet to be constantly tugged and pulled in so many different directions or would you like to be the one doing the tugging and pulling? What then can you do to be your own puppeteer?
Choose the road less traveled when you come to a fork in the road rather than the easier route.
Choose to go left in life every once in a while, rather than always going right just because the rest are doing so.
Choose to do what others are unwilling to do when it comes to difficult decisions.
Choose to be the master of your destiny rather than a tool for others.
Speaking up and taking more risk will not necessarily free us from the strings which make us twist and turn from time to time at the will of others, but doing so will likely increase the possibility we can rise to the top, and form part of the elite Bourgeoisie, where like it or not, the air is a little fresher, the lines are a little shorter, and life is a little larger.
Recently I saw the following quote, the source of which is unknown to me:
“Ships don’t sink because of the water around them; ships sink because of the water that gets in them. Don’t let what’s happening around you get inside you and weigh you down.”
This got me to thinking about our relationship with the world around us, and how similar we are to a ship. Some boats are small and light, others they are large and heavy. Some are simple and functional, others more complicated and ostentatious. Each is built at some point in time either close to a source of water, be it a river, lake, or ocean; while others begin their life with little or no access to the vital liquid which allows them to function.
The great majority of these vessels (though not all) make it to the water, but what happens from there is unique to each. Similarly, each of us is born someplace. From there, we make our way into the world. Some boats stay close to port, others are dragged inland and parked in someone’s garage or backyard. Yet each has the potential to sail the ocean blue.
We too have the same opportunity to stay close to home, or to venture out in the world in an attempt to reach our full potential. Along the way, there are many different elements affecting our journey. The weather, traffic, and accessibility can help or hinder a ship in its quest to reach the water. Other people, emotions, and world events also have a direct impact on our ability to travel.
Once we get to the water, the ship is equipped for the voyage. A compass, a map, and a life preservers are among the items provided to assure everyone gets to where they wants to go. We are equipped with education, knowledge, and time to do whatever it is we want to do in life. Sometimes the equipment is sufficient, other times it is lacking.
There comes a time, when we need help from an outside source. We can only be on the water so long without having some kind of contact, be it another boat, or land. We often believe we can be independent, and while we can learn to be comfortable with ourselves, at the same time, we need others.
What has to be done if the boat is taking on water?
It must be fixed! The water must be bailed out and the source must be detected and repaired, there is no other alternative. If the boat continues to take on water, it will sink. The same happens with us. The emotional baggage we take upon ourselves can be real or imagined. Regardless, it can weigh us down to the point of sinking us.
How much are you carrying around with you which adds nothing to your voyage and instead pulls you down?
Typically, we drag around much more with us than we really need. Wouldn’t it make more sense if we traveled lightly? How about if instead of accumulating so much stuff, we instead focus on what we really need and enjoy life more?
In this day and age, people tend to love money and use people. Instead, why don’t we strive to love people and use things? By doing this we can travel more lightly, smoothly, and safely to whichever port set our sights on.
