Category: Lunar Letter (English)

”How” rather than “what” is most important. As a Financial Consultant and Marketing Director in the financial services industry for 17 years, the most important lesson I learned is that money doesn’t buy happiness. I have met people who have a lot of money and excellent jobs. Some are extremely happy; others, in the same situation, are among the most miserable souls I have ever met. The opposite is also true. I have met people with little money and modest jobs whose attitudes have varied between being spectacularly content to demoralizingly dreary.

It is how we do our respective jobs, rather than what we do, which determines our happiness. One can be a street sweeper with an excellent attitude and be carefree and content. Another can have an excellent profession, perhaps even be the owner of a prestigious company, and yet be dull and dismal. What, then, is the key to achieving the happiness we desire?

Let me first clarify something. It’s better to have money and, preferably, a lot of it. We all have needs which, in one way or another, require money. Nevertheless, it is our attitude towards what we have and do which makes the difference. Some have a special gift enabling them to create wealth and prestige easily; others lack this talent. While it is common to think it is our job or the amount of money in our bank account creating happiness, this is not always the case.

One way to achieve more happiness in our lives is by utilizing the “scales of justice” to analyze our condition. Start by writing all the things you have on one side. On the other side write all the things you don’t have. You can include material, physical and or spiritual items. Think of all the things to be grateful for which cost absolutely nothing; our arms, our hands, our legs, our feet, our sight, our smell, our touch and so much more. This simple exercise reveals we already possess incredible abundance.

It’s natural to want more money, have a bigger house, and more economic freedom. While these can bring pleasure and joy, these are not what always bring the most happiness. Rather, it is our vision and attitude towards the world and life. Our enthusiasm and conformity will fluctuate from time to time. However, those of us who see ourselves as part of something much greater are more able to maintain happiness in the most difficult of circumstance.

Part of the often elusive answer lies in the way we interpret what happens to us day in and day out. If we perceive the world is against us, it is difficult to keep a positive outlook. When we understand the world is neither for nor against us, we can see a situation for what it is and not for what we imagine it to be. Believing, “If it is to be, it’s up to me,” determines our destiny. There are many factors influencing our direction. What is critical is how well prepared are we for those times when opportunities present themselves.

We all know those who are consistently positive and others who are constantly negative, even though they are in similar environments, and in the same jobs. It is how we manage and interpret what is happening, not what occurs, which determines our happiness. The dynamic nature of life assures there will be challenge and change in our journey. Those of us who accept what happens as a natural part of life can handle any situation and drive forth with courage.

Our happiness depends on how we flow with what we have, and what we do with it, rather than on what we have or what we do for a living. We all possess a magnificent mind which can paint a picture bursting with color of joy and delight. When we choose to be happy with what we have and what we do, we create a fulfilling life.

∞ Rob McBride ∞
LL II 9

 

For better or worse our routines direct our destiny. Frequently, we think about routine as something monotonous and undesirable. Even so, we all have routines and not all of them are bad.

While there are certain routines and habits we would like to change, like smoking and eating too much, there are others which drive us to grow and improve. Recently, I had the opportunity to take an extended vacation. When I returned, I realized I had stopped doing exercise. Even though I know these routines are most beneficial, after neglecting them for several weeks, reestablishing them has been a difficult task.

There is a study which says it takes 21 days to establish a positive habit and only 3 days to lose it. While it may actually take more or less time, it’s a good rule of thumb. Knowing what we should do is easy; doing it is another story.

How can we find energy and willpower to establish routines which will empower us while eliminating those which do not benefit us? While I don’t claim to have the “final answer,” there is something we can all do to lead us to this utopia. When we integrate challenge as a part of a routine, we automatically add an element allowing us to derive more pleasure from the activity.

This idea is congruent with the studies of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi and Martin Seligman on happiness. Their studies include the investigation of hundreds of thousands of people worldwide, from all walks of life and diverse age groups. They conclude we are happiest when we are working towards a worthy ideal. Resting and basking on a beach with nothing to do has its value. As strange as it may seem, though, this is not when we are happiest.

We can challenge routine in order to achieve more happiness and “flow” in our lives. Deciding to exercise more and to eat less is a decision we make quite often. Unfortunately, these wonderful desires are often left as nothing more than good ideas. Inaction is the result of the famous line, “I’ll start on Monday.”

One way to close this gap is to establish and achieve small realistic goals. Let’s look at an example. If someone hasn’t done any exercise in the past year, is it realistic they will start doing exercise every day starting next Monday? While anything is possible, it isn’t probable.

If we want to start doing more exercise we can start with simple things. For example, we can start the day with some stretching before we get out of bed. We can take the stairs, even if it’s for a couple of floors, instead of taking the elevator. We can pick things up instead of dragging them across the floor. In this case the challenge could be, “What can I do to get a little bit of exercise in everything I do?”

When we establish achievable objective, little by little we go far. Our current habits and routines are the result of many years of experience. While it is not realistic to think we can change all of our bad habits and convert them into empowering routines tomorrow, taking small steps to challenge routine utilizes our mind to our benefit instead of to our detriment.

We all know what we should do. It isn’t what we know but rather what we do which is most important. When we make a game of our routines and look for a way to make them more interesting we achieve two objectives. First, we enter into a state of “flow” which leads us to happiness; secondly, we establish routines which create power and energy. Challenge routine today to achieve much more tomorrow.

∞ Rob McBride ∞
LL II 8

 

Kids are by nature curious. They are fascinated by everything and all is of interest. They want to touch and taste everything in their path. It doesn’t matter the color or size; they want to know more about their world.

In our infinite intelligence, we teach youngsters limits to what they can, and cannot do. While in theory this makes sense and it is important to give direction to children, particularly when it comes to their safety, this learning process frequently inhibits the natural curiosity of a kid.

We tell them:

“Don’t do that!”

“Don’t touch that!”

“Don’t ask so many questions!”

Unconsciously, we limit one of the primary tools we all have to confront and overcome challenge. Life is not a problem to be resolved, rather a challenge to be enjoyed. One of the best ways to face what we commonly call problems is with curiosity of a kid which allows us to generate a wide range of solutions.

Our experience teaches us “the best way to do something.” Unless someone or something shows us a better way to do it, we will continue doing the same. Similar actions will always produce similar results. If these results are what we desire, we are on our way and no change is necessary! If not, we can change what we do to achieve different results.

This same curiosity, with which we are all born and frequently lose as adults, can be the key to achieve that which we most desire. Looking for new ways of doing things implies a degree of risk. The same way a child takes risk whenever they reach out to touch something, we also take risk whenever we try to do something new.

The fear of taking risk and failing tends to be bigger than the reward. We are taught as youngsters to be “perfect.” A “good kid” is one who does as he or she is told and who remains within the boundaries set by society. While this behavior is useful to maintain order, it is not the best for finding new solutions.

It is common at this time of year to evaluate what we did last year and contemplate what we would like to accomplish in the coming year. This assessment often indicates we should begin to do something different or concentrate on a project which has been left in limbo. Generally, we all know what we should do though it’s not what we know rather what we do with what we know which is most important!

Maintaining the curiosity of a kid allows us to see the world as if for the first time. Looking for new solutions to common challenges opens the door to new horizons. When we stop doing what we have always done out of convenience, we create new roads which lead to new destinations. While taking the road less traveled implies bumping into unexpected obstacles from time to time, it also results in a life full of emotion and adventure rather than drudgery and discomfort.

∞ Rob McBride ∞
LL II 7

 

We learn from everything. With our infinite wisdom we can learn from the simplest things. The earth provides a magnificent mechanism which propagates life. Though it doesn’t always provide an easy path, it does provide all we require for abundance.

Let’s take the example of a tree which begins with a seed, in itself the result of a “perfect” process of fertilization. The seed falls to form, or takes a ride on the wings of the wind. When it arrives to its destination it immediately encounters adversity. Fate frequently deals its fatal blow as it is devoured by a bird or other animal. In the best case scenario the wind and the rain provide what is necessary for it to become great and glorious.

The first days and weeks of life are crucial for its growth. An animal can destroy the seedling’s destiny by simply running over it while evading an enemy. A storm can wreak its wicked wrath wiping it out in an instant. As strange as it seems, this adversity strengthens the tree. If it does not experience adversity, it fails to form a support system of roots to support it through difficulty.

Throughout, the tree perseveres in the most difficult of circumstances and is, in fact, fortified with each new adversity. While it is true a tree does not think and is not tenacious by choice, it is so by nature. We can learn much from this tenacity to overcome difficulty in our own lives.

We frequently think of adversity which lurks around each corner as something negative to be endured. We flee discomfort and seek refuge in comfort. Nevertheless, it is adversity which molds our character. Those who have never faced adversity are often devoid of significance and emotion. While some would like to live with a little less significance and emotion, these very elements give us sustenance to carry on in the face of adversity.

Thousands of trees surround us, each special with its own history of survival. Similarly, each of us is also special, all products of a process of natural selection which carefully contemplates each adversity defining our being. Instead of fleeing from adversity we can look at it with The Tenacity of a Tree to garner inner strength on this fantastic voyage.

∞ Rob McBride ∞
LL II 6

 

We often look to comfort and convenience as a path to happiness and harmony. Professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced “chick–sent–me–high-ee”), renowned for his investigation on well-being and happiness, has found we feel best when we are in a state he calls “Flow.”

We have all experienced Flow in some form or another. This has been the object of Csikszentmihalyi’s research for several decades. For some, Flow occurs several times a day; for others, it is more elusive. We achieve Flow when we are so involved in an activity, we become totally engaged and immersed in it. It’s common when we are in this state to lose track of time and of our basic necessities like hunger, sleep, and even sexual desire. Achieving this state, according to Csikszentmihalyi, is the surest road to well-being and happiness.

These findings go against what we often believe to be true regarding our perception of happiness. Let’s look at an example. Right now each of us has a list of “to do’s.” If your list is anything like mine, it seems endless.

We mistakenly believe if we could just finish or somehow get rid of each item on our list we would magically find happiness. This isn’t the case for several reasons. When we are about to finish the last item on our list, several more items magically appear. Even the day we die we will have a list of things to do. The list never ends; nor should we want it to end because that will truly be the day we meet our own end.

“Finishing” our list does not lead us to happiness because we are generally happier moving towards a goal or an objective. Facundo Cabral has a wonderful way of stating this idea:

“The journey is more exciting than the destination, if it’s possible to get anywhere at all…”

This journey implies overcoming challenge to guide us towards what we most desire. This truth coincides with Csikszentmihalyi’s work, indicating we are happiest when we strike a balance between the difficulty of a task and our ability to perform it. This is precisely when we enter Flow.

It’s common to think relaxing in front of the television in the comfort of our home will bring happiness. While it may bring temporary relief to help us recharge our batteries, Csikszentmihalyi’s research, which included hundreds of thousands of people, shows it is not in this state when we are happiest!

So then,

What can we do to be happier?

When we are directors of our own fate, we are more content. We can take action today to write words, sentences and pages which encompass our own book of life. We can reach beyond our grasp and establish goals and objectives which require we stretch beyond our comfort zone.

With few exceptions, what we all want in some way, shape or form is to be happy. All we do and all we say is directed to enhance our own happiness or to affect the happiness of another, though we may not always affect them in a positive way. I know of no one who wakes up in the morning and says, “I want to be a miserable good-for-nothing failure, full of anguish and pain.” I have, however, met many whose actions lead them to this end.

In his eloquent voice Dr. Martin Luther King said:

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

Flowing through challenge implies welcoming change as well as the trials and tribulations we face daily. Life is not a problem to be resolved; rather a challenge to be embraced. It is often difficult to see challenge as something outstanding, marvelous and splendid which drives us to our desire. Challenge should never be perceived as something horrendous, horrible and hateful hindering our progress.

As we mature and age, it is unlikely we will recall endless hours spent in front of the television relaxing. Nor is it likely we remember what we achieved with little or no effort. What will stand out as a magnificent monument to our life, and will likely become the stories we tell our children and grandchildren, are those challenging, uncomfortable situations we were able to overcome with courage and dignity.

Life is a collection of moments, intervals in time giving meaning and form to our existence in this wonderful world. It is the simple things which most often give sensational significance to our experience. When we flow through challenge, we take a flying leap towards directing a life full of moments which give sense, significance, and substance to each instant.

∞ Rob McBride ∞
LL II 5

 

How can we achieve Comfort in Discomfort?

How can we find peace in turbulence?

Things will not always occur as we wish. There will be situations which are depressing, sad and uncomfortable. Our interpretation of what happens, rather than what actually happens, is most important. Recently, I gained better understanding of achieving comfort in discomfort while attending a workshop with Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements, and his son Don José Ruiz.

Let’s look at an example. Suppose there are two people working for the same company. They both lose their jobs at the same time because of circumstances beyond their control. One says, “Poor me, I’ll never find another job as good as this one! My life will never be the same and now it will be impossible to achieve what I desire.” The other says, “Though it was a good job, I now have the opportunity to find an even better one! I have confidence and faith in myself; I will find an excellent opportunity.”

Circumstances like divorce, unemployment and death can turn our lives upside down. When we look around us, we find some are better able to handle the situation than others.

Why is this?

Why do some people rapidly bounce back from adversity while others fall into depths of despair?

Resilience, a subject which has been my passion during the last several years, has much to do with the way we overcome challenge. Among the skills we can develop is our ability to find comfort in discomfort.

It was difficult for me at one time to understand how someone can remain in one position and meditate for an extended period of time. Now, I understand the Master finds comfort in discomfort because he knows how to manage discomfort. Another will struggle constantly to find a more “Comfortable” position. While they both feel discomfort, the difference is in how they manage it. Those who master their minds know discomfort is a physical state which can be affected by what we think, how we breathe and how we feel. Health, happiness and peace come naturally when we master our minds to find comfort in discomfort.

We generally discover an infinite number of interpretations for uncomfortable situations. The easiest thing to do is to fall into the pathetic role of the victim. The more empowering possibility is to use our magnificent minds to find better solutions.

Life is made up of moments. Our happiness and capacity to enjoy each instant is a function of our brain and how we interpret daily events. Finding Comfort in Discomfort gives us better answers to difficult situations. Leading the life we desire does not depend on being thrown into the lap of luxury rather on our ability to sweeten sour grapes.

∞ Rob McBride ∞
LL II 4

 

What is better something pretty or something practical?

Like many, I have thought I have the “correct” answer as to which is better.  I now see what is “correct” for one is “incorrect” for another.

Several days ago I was looking for a flashlight. As so often happens, those I found didn’t work. I asked my daughter if she had one and she said, “Sure, I have the one you fixed for me!” When she gave me the flashlight, I laughed because it was one I raised from the dead several years earlier.

We bought the flashlight in Parque de la Costa in Buenos Aires and it was more of a toy than anything else. Even so, the flashlight had been very useful and was always there when we needed it. Several years ago it fell and stopped working. I didn’t want to lose a “trusted friend” so I decided to fix it.

I took off the cover and placed a metal nut into a hole to turn it on. I then wrapped tape around it so the batteries wouldn’t fall out and tied the nut to a string attaching it to the case so it wouldn’t get lost. While it certainly isn’t Pretty, it is very functional!

I tell this story because on various occasions when someone sees my “Super-flashlight,” they laugh. There are some who, in a similar situation, would have simply tossed the flashlight in the trash and bought a new one instead.

I feel practical over pretty is better and it’s a model which works for me. If someone is more focused on aesthetics, it doesn’t matter how functional something is, they won’t use it if it’s not pretty. Those of us who are more practical and not interested in how pretty something is tend to believe we are right and others are wrong.

I now realize there is no right answer. For those who prefer practicality it is most important for something to work. For those who prefer the aesthetic, it’s appearance over function which matters most.

Life is more interesting because we are all different. We all have our own way of thinking and acting. Imagine how boring things would be if we were all alike!

Nevertheless, we are often intolerant of those who disagree with us. In his book, The Four Agreements, Miguel Ruiz elaborates on a model which comes from the Mexican Toltecas. He explains we all have “Mitotes” or beliefs with which we have been ingrained since we were born. While some of these beliefs are valid, many are not. In fact, according to Mr. Ruiz, the great majority of our beliefs are designed to please others and not necessarily aligned with what is in our best interest.

Since we are all different and have a distinct way of thinking and acting, why do we believe we must always be right? My good friend, Francisco Novoa, frequently asks, “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?”

We can avoid an incredible energy drain and eliminate a lot of frustration by simply accepting others as they are with their unique way of thinking. We all act based upon our own “truths.” All we say and all we do is based on our belief that we are correct.

Instead of trying to convince others we are right and they are wrong, we can simply accept what they say, and then express our point of view without trying to convince them, “It’s my way or the highway!” Life is made up of moments and wasting time trying to convince others they are wrong is a terrible waste of our most valuable asset. When we are able to accept others as they are, we open the door to happiness!

∞ Rob McBride ∞
LL II 3

What is perfection?

Why do we seek it?

What is its attraction?

Doing a good job is noble.

“Doing something outstanding and making a difference is spectacular!”

Everyday we go out into the world in search of something.

Could it be happiness?

Perhaps it has something to do with:

Acknowledgment

Success

Money

Peace

We assume Perfection will somehow lead us to all these objectives. Nevertheless, perfection can be a double-edged sword. When we become obsessed with having everything “perfect” before taking action, we become stuck in the muck and the mud.

It is fine to want to do things well, yet “perfection” frequently leads us into a vicious cycle.

“If we never take action before something is ‘perfect,’ we will never have the opportunity to achieve that which we most desire.”

Let’s take a look at an example. I have an upcoming event where I want to make my second book available. Little by Little We Go Far is a compilation of my first 50 Lunar Letters. I’ll have a tremendous opportunity to offer my books in English and in Spanish to many people.

As I was working on converting the information from its original electronic format into a format suitable for publication, I realized each time I reviewed the information, there was always a way to “Perfect” it, a “better” way to express a thought or to reformat the text and pictures to enhance the book.

From this experience came the idea of imperfect perfection. While there is always a way to improve, there comes a time when we must accept things as they are and move forward!

The first edition is already available and, as I imagined, there are several little “horrors” which can be fixed. Not withstanding, I am extremely satisfied with the results.

Since it is the first edition, with a limited number of copies, of my first 50 Lunar Letters, it could very well become more valuable with time. My intention is to create at least 496 Lunar Letters. Possibly someday this first “special” edition, even with a few “horrors” could be worth millions! “Millions of what” I’m not certain, though I am confident it will have special value, albeit sentimental.

“Imperfect Perfection creates new roads which lead to new destinies.”

We can flow with the unknown and the imperfect the same way nature demonstrates imperfect perfection. A storm which causes destruction is a natural part of growth. Sometimes it’s necessary to destroy before we can create.

When we fail in an attempt to achieve something great, we learn one more way which doesn’t work and define further what needs to be done.

It is preferable to err while daring greatly than to achieve something ordinary.

Doing our very best, with what we have on hand, assures that regardless of occasional failure, we will be headed towards a worthy ideal. Happiness doesn’t come from doing something “perfect” rather from utilizing imperfect perfection to move steadily in the direction of our dreams.

It’s the Bounce that Counts!

∞ Rob McBride ∞
LL II 2